That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
