Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
