Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize