3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
