if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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