Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
