I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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