I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
