He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
