i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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