bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
