you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
