so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize