Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
