what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
