she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
