My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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