She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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