no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
