Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize