So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
