did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
