We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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