he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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