in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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