If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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