So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
