the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
