omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
