My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
