Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
