Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
