at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
