Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Someone came in the potted fern
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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