So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
