Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
