Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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