What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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