you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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