i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
