He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
