Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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