i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is the high leading the old right now
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
