I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
