Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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