Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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