He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
