if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
