wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
