mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
