mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
