he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
