He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
