Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
