its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
