Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
