im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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