I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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