Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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