peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
