Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
