I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I will die if light touches me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize