you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize