Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
