The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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