You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
