do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
