We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
