Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
