you turned your livingroom into a bong?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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